Monday, June 09, 2014


     Train - "This great evil. Where does it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doin' this? Who's killin' us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin' us with the sight of what we might've known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed through this night?"

I've been struggling with a darkness. What do I do know? Where do I go? Post Benzo, post booze, post painkillers. I haven't come up with a solution yet. But that darkness is there. It simmers under the surface. A slow steady gnawing in my mind.

I can go around for a few days at a time and pretend it's not real but it always catches up to me. Like a pressure cooker slowly simmering. What is it simmering? Hostility? Anger? Rage? Hate? Evil? Why is it even set to the boil?

A total and utter lack of feeling for anyone else except myself. No empathy at all. Everything hurts and everything piles on. A huge darkness. Maybe I'm a Replicant 
or maybe a Sociopath. 

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